going out of it
by EtherealDemon
Summary: After a night of unknowingly shared dreaming Damon and Elena wake up to face the aftermath and where it will lead them.  Takes place after Roses death and can be read as a compainion piece to "keep 'em coming" but can stand alone.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own The Vampire Diaries nor the lyrics to 'Thank you'. They belong to their respective owners and creators... unless they've been gypped. No copyright infringement intended or monetary gains acquired. Don't sue I have nothing you'd want anyway.

**AN: **The lyrics are **Thank you **by**Dikta. **I hope you'll bare with me as I pull a 'Dallas' ("Bobby is that you?"). That being said... ehmm... written please R&R I'd be very thankful for it. This can be read as a companion piece to **keep 'em coming** but not necessarily... they can each hold their own without the other. Thank all of you soooo much that read and reviewed and alerted and favourite-d and what not, you're all so awesome. You all made my day several times over. All flames should be quenched into constructive criticism unless you want to be the cause of my hysterical crying.

oOo

**going out of it**

oOo

**in a language learned when no-one was listening**

**I try my best to tell you how I feel**

**somehow I am sure and this I believe in**

**this is real**

oOo

Elena awoke with a start and then groaned loudly. Of course it was a dream how else would she have been able to watch Damon sulk without actually being there.

Georgia.

Elena huffed in annoyance. Nowhere but in her dreams would she ever be _anything_ other then everyones' _second choice_; Damon was _no exception_ and there were no magic amulets to save them from their imminent deaths. With or out without Elijah they were doomed. Besides no-one but her knew of the deal she'd made, Elijah had seen to that. Vampires being compelled, the irony wasn't lost on her. Laughter however seemed to evade her nowadays.

She was such an idiot... and a despicable; deceitful; disgusting liar. She'd have to change that. First things first. A shower to clear her head and something to get the taste of blood out of her mouth.

oOo

Damon woke up slowly with the taste of Elenas' blood still lingering on his tongue. He half expected her to be laying next to him nuzzled into the crook of his arm. She wasn't. It wasn't even _her_ blood staining his lips, it was his own. He'd apparently for the first time ever to his knowledge vamped in his sleep and bitten his own tongue. He laughed bitterly at his revelation more then a little disgusted with himself.

Breathtaking.

Idiot.

She'd not seen his brother fit to be with, and what? He thought she'd think _he_ himself was somehow better.

Second to Katherine, not bloody likely... not even if hell froze over.

He needed to get the fuck out of there, but first he'd have to save her life. Too bad Elijah wasn't actually on their side and that those necklaces weren't real... maybe he should get in touch with one of his old friends, yes he had some, and find out if it was indeed possible. Bonnie sure as hell wasn't up the task. Not that she'd ever listen to him long enough for him to ask anyway.

Fuck! He needed a drink... a shower, a shave and a haircut. He looked ridiculous.

oOo

**from my heart I sing to you and I'm hoping**

**that you'll understand what I'm trying to say**

**you found a place inside of me and I'm grateful**

**for each day**

oOo

Elena stood staring at herself in the steam framed mirror of her and Jeremys' adjoining bathroom. Now standing there with her damp long hair in ringlets she looked _exactly_ like Katherine. It was painful that she herself couldn't even see the difference. On pure impulse she grabbed a handful of hair and a pair of scissors and cut. Once she'd started she couldn't stop. She just kept hacking chunks of her hair off. She didn't want it. She didn't want to look like Katherine and this, this would set them apart. Now _they_ wouldn't see Katherine when they looked at her and neither would she.

When she finally stopped there were only short wisps of her dark curls adorning her head and framing her face. Her eyes suddenly seemed larger and her neck long and elegant, she felt lighter, taller and most importantly _nothing_ like Katherine. She liked it?

She surveyed the bathroom floor. She better get cleaning.

After cleaning up and shimmying into a pair of black skinny jeans and a green v-neck tee Elena rummaged mercilessly through her jewellery-box. She was dead set on finding a suitable replacement for Stefans' necklace. She didn't want the constant reminder, it didn't fit her anymore. She wasn't _that_ girl anymore.

In the end she found an old charm bracelet that she'd long forgotten. After removing all but one charm, a small oval locket with her name engraved on it, she put fresh vervain in the small compartment and clasped it onto her wrist. She decide that she needed to return the damned necklace immediately. The thing didn't belong to her anymore.

oOo

**a broken wing can not stop me from flying**

**I leave no footprints when you are around**

**know yourself, you said, and you made me so proud of**

**what I've found**

oOo

The delicious scent of freshly brewed coffee met her as she entered the kitchen.

Jenna stared at her wide eyed. "Wow. Elena, you cut your hair off." She stammered.

Elena chuckled. "I _am_ aware of that. Pour me a cup?" All of a sudden she wondered if her new _style_ was a horrible mistake.

"You look gorgeous sweetie." Jenna broke into broad smile. "Had I known then I would've nagged you about chopping it off ages ago." She handed Elena a fresh cup.

Jeremy strode in just then letting out a long whistle. "Shit. New and _improved_." He winked at her cheekily. She wondered just how much time her little brother was spending with the raven haired Salvatore. Possibly too much she concluded.

Elena blushed furiously. "Really? You're sure I can leave the house like this?" OK so maybe it hadn't been her _worst _idea ever.

Both nodded vigorously at her. "I dare say it's one of the best post-breakup makeovers I've ever seen." Jenna said and nudged Elenas' arm playfully.

Elena frowned holding up the necklace. "I have to go give this back. Maybe I'll get lucky and he isn't home." She shrugged and sipped at her coffee. She didn't really want to deal with more of his crying. Wasn't she supposed to be the frail human teenager and not the other way around?

"Good luck with that." Jeremy snorted and gabbed a cup of his own and the three started their Saturday morning routine. Which was nothing more then coffee and gossip.

oOo

**oh my God I'm losing it**

**I'm finally going out of it**

**my senses tingle, I can hardly breath**

oOo

Elena squared her shoulders preparing for the worst before she let out a long unsteady breath and strolled uninvited into the Salvatore Boardinghouse. The place was dead silent. She cursed under her breath. She could always just leave it in his room.

Coward.

"Anyone home?" She shouted loudly. Nothing. "Hello?" She tried again. She sighed heavily.

"Ever hear of knocking?" Damon whispered into her ear from behind.

She swivelled in place accidentally elbowing him in the gut. "Sorry." She gasped covering her mouth and grabbing his shoulder. "You scared me... it was an accident." She stammered at the keeled over boy.

Going from keeled over to head thrown back Damon let out a roaring laugh. "Priceless." He ginned at her mischievously.

Slapping his chest she chuckled. "You're an ass." Staring at him she grinned. "You shaved... and cut your hair... and you're dressed."

He smirked lewdly. "Disappointed?" He quirked a dark brow at her.

"Very." She deadpanned. Damon looked taken aback and Elena just grinned wickedly glad that he was back in banter mode. Back to business. "Is Stefan Home?" She needed to get this over with.

"Nope." He said popping the p. "He's out slaying Thumper."

Elena chuckled. She chuckled? She never chuckled at his jibes at Stefan. Was he dreaming again? He was dreaming again. Wasn't he?

"It suits you" He said as he reached up and ran his fingers delicately through her short tresses. Might as well enjoy the dream while it lasted. Maybe he could trick her into cutting it off once he woke up. Maybe he could just cut it of while she slept... no? She looked absolutely divine.

She blushed slightly and her heart-rate picked up. "Thanks." Should she be swatting his hands away? At least she'd refrained from moaning.

"You here for anything else then my _brother_?" This better not be a nightmare.

She pulled out the necklace hesitantly. "I wanted to give this back to him."

It was a nightmare. "You have to wear that." Damon stated shoving her hand back toward her. As much as he hated seeing her wear that_ thing_, she couldn't very well run around without it's protection.

"No I don't." She stated firmly tossing it on a random side table. "I have this." She held her wrist with the charm bracelet up far too close to his face.

OK, so maybe it wasn't a nightmare after all. He held her wrist delicately as he avoided the little vervain filled charm. "It's too small."

Elena frowned. "Then I'll find something else. I'm not wearing _that _anymore" Stubborn ass.

No. No. It's a nightmare. "Just wear the damn thing until you find something else." He should just compel her and then she'd get the point.

"No. I don't want to. _You _find me something else." She demanded crossing her arms over her chest. "Something that isn't _his_." When he didn't move she cocked an eyebrow at him defiantly. She wasn't budging.

He huffed. "Fine. Stay here." Maybe if he left he'd wake up.

No. She followed.

He turned and glared at her. "Didn't I tell you to stay?"

"I'm not a dog, Damon." She said sternly before smiling prettily. "Besides I don't want to wear anything ugly."

Fucking Jekyll and Hyde.

"I have impeccable taste." He retorted offensively. He did.

"Says who? That _man ring_ you've got on?" She smirked evilly indicating his day ring. Oh. "Well, it is big enough to talk for itself."

Damon bit back the smile that threatened to surface. "Touché." He didn't think that it would be a good idea to bringing up that it was Katherine who had chosen the gaudy thing. Her words from his earlier dream kept ringing in his ears like a bad song he just couldn't get rid of.

Kitten. Kat. Katherine... she better not believe that.

He grabbed her hand and led her deeper into the house. To _his_ wing of the house. She trailed after him happily not bothering to pull out of his hold. Yeah, he was dreaming.

oOo

**oh my God I'm losing it**

**I'm finally going out of it**

**I feel my heart, I'm suddenly alive**

oOo

Quickly finding the room he was looking for, but rarely entered, he strode over to a painting of a smiling blue eyed girl.

"Who's that? Did you have a twin?" Elena asked looking repeatedly between Damon and painting. The resemblance was eery.

Damon smiled sadly. "No. That's my mother." He reached out and pulled at the side of the frame. A small safe came into view... well, not so small safe. Kind of big actually. If she pulled her knees to her chest she could easily fit in it. "Turn around." He ordered.

She complied. "Don't you trust me?" She teased as she listened to him turn the dial back and forth on the safe.

He scoffed. "Trust. That never ends well."

She was a despicable; deceitful; disgusting; dirty; rotten liar.

"I'm really sorry, you know." Suddenly she didn't feel so good. "About all the lies. The more I lie the harder it becomes to tell the truth." She sighed heavily.

He stood stock still. What the hell was he supposed to do now? She wasn't about to cry was she?

He decided that he'd distract her with shiny and sparkly things. That worked for girls right? He was seriously starting to miss the good old days when he'd just have compelled his way out of this.

"Here we go." He said putting a large blue leather jewelery-box on a white dressing-table facing one of the rooms large windows. He carefully opened the lid and unraveled the various layers of the box.

Elena inhaled sharply. Despite her sometimes tom-boyishness she truly loved all things girly. Her hand automatically reached inside the box and she let her fingers trail over the beautiful pieces laying there. "They're all so pretty." She sated wide eyed.

He let her oh an ah over the trinkets for a while before he spoke. "See anything you deem wearable?"

She turned to look at him. "I can't wear any of this. It's too pretty." She stated with a head-shake.

Damon frowned. "Too ugly. Too pretty." He mocked. "Elena just pick something." He still couldn't decide if this was a nightmare or not.

She shook her head again. "I can't. It's not mine." She reluctantly stepped away from the dressing-table. She couldn't wear these things, they were obviously his mothers. She couldn't.

He picked up a long thin chain with a drop-shaped locket that opened up into a heart. "This'll hold enough vervain." He held it out to her.

She didn't take it, but she did stare at it longingly. "I can't." She repeated. "It was your mothers, wasn't it?" Maybe now he'd get it.

He held her gaze as he furrowed his brow. Who elses would they be? Maybe he _should_ just compel her to wear it. "Yes."

"I can't take your mothers things." She'd love to, but he'd regret giving her something that precious to him later.

His hands dropped to his sides deftly. _His mothers things weren't good enough for her?_ "Why not?" Way to go voice breaking at such a crucial moment. Bravo.

Damn. It was a nightmare.

"I... " She shuffled her feet. She didn't really know how to tell him. Band-aid. "You'll regret letting me have it." Suddenly the hardwood floor seemed very interesting indeed.

He stared at her for a long moment then he slowly approached her. _She thought she wasn't good enough for his mothers things? _He unclasped the necklace before he snaked his hands around her neck and re-clasped it. He gave her temple a small kiss and she looked up at him seeming unsure. "No I wont." She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her of quickly. "I wont. It's yours."

"Thank you." She whispered as she wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight embrace. She felt just as right in his arms now as she had in her dream. Strange.

Damon cleared his throat and reluctantly let her go. He wasn't about to ruin this by clinging to her desperately... no matter how much he wanted to. "Lets get you some vervain to fill _your_ locket."

Her only response was a beaming smile.

oOo

**thank you**

**thank you for the world, the world, the world**

**thank you for the life you're making me see**

**inside of me**

oOo

"This cellar is really creepy." Elena said taking a step closer to Damon. She seemed to be reverting back to her old self. To the girl that found haunted houses and slasher moves frightening.

"You've been here before. It's no surprise." He quirked an eyebrow at her. "What's gotten you so rattled this time?" He really did find the whole situation rather amusing. The girl standing behind him thought the cellar was creepy, yet she'd tossed a vervain grenade at an Original without blinking.

"It smells creepy down here." She didn't seem to have caught on to his amusement.

"It _smells_ creepy? Really, Elena?" Next she'll confess it sounds creepy down here. Lucky him. She was sticking to him like glue.

"What? Can't you smell it?" She crept closer and grabbed a handful of the back of his shirt. She felt a shiver travel down her spine. "Can we just hurry up." She just couldn't help herself.

He chuckled. "Common. We're almost done." He loved the sound of her heart and the flush in her cheeks when she was scared. "Take a sprig and put it in there. I really don't want to touch it." Frankly he'd rather drink battery acid. He had once, not that bad when you were a vampire.

"Fine." She let go of his shirt. "Just don't go anywhere OK?" She hated when he scared the crap out of her, which he did frequently... on purpose.

He grind smugly. "I'm not going anywhere." Not even if she told him to.

Elena quickly broke off one of the flowers and stuffed it into _her_ new locket. A small amount of relief washed over her when she saw Damon standing right where she had left him. The sudden urge to cling to him wasn't as foreign to her as she'd liked, but then again he was generally there when the feeling came over her which led it to increase in frequency. Today for some reason she was more then willingly indulging in it. Her dream. That's why.

"Are we friends Damon?" She surprised herself a little at how hopeful she sounded. She needed to clear the air between them. She needed to have someone she wasn't lying to.

She caught his momentary surprise right as he stuffed it behind his well managed façade. "You tell me Elena. You're the one throwing around the forevers." Being a dick just came naturally, he couldn't help it.

She smiled wryly stepping closer. "We were friends after Georgia, right?" Not quite what she wanted to ask, but what she wanted to ask wouldn't make any sense to him.

"Yes." This was bound to lead nowhere good.

She took his hands in hers and gave them a light squeeze. "Then why did you threaten to kill me and actually _kill my brother_?" She kept the hostility out of her voice as best she could.

Oh, here comes the nightmare. Wait. What?

"I didn't." He said hesitantly as he narrowed his eyes. Really? That's NOT what he did.

"Damon." She scolded. "I was there remember. You can't pretend it didn't happen." What the hell was wrong with him? This wasn't another dream, if it were it'd be steamier. Right?

"I didn't." He said stubbornly cocking his head to the side. "I threatened to _turn _you and I almost _turned_ your brother. If it hadn't been for that ring..." Hadn't she realized the difference?

Clearly by the look on her face, she hadn't.

"No." She said searching his face for tell tales of lying. He wasn't?

Shifting uncomfortably in place he trudged on. "Yes. I distinctly remember forcing you to have some of my blood from my wrist." He turned his hands in hers to make his wrists visible as if it were some kind of proof. "... and Jeremy had already had some of Annas' and failed miserably on his own. Not kill. Never kill. I wouldn't do that to you." He reminded her. She had to understand.

"So... that's... no... you... I..." She stared a him franticly searching his face, eyes, anything to make sure he was telling the truth. He had to be. "You were going to turn me?" The anger drained from her and was replaced by a strange tingle in her chest. "You were going to turn me." She realized what the tingling was as soon as she heard the tint of hope in her own words. Maybe she could truly allow herself to forgive him. Maybe.

Damon smiled wryly. "You would have gotten over it and I would have had all of eternity to make it up to you. I had grand disillusioned plans." He chuckled bitterly. Plans; he always had them.

oOo

**the book is open now and the pen keeps on writing **

**the story of my life; it starts right here**

**now I reach the stars, can grab them and hold them**

**with no fear**

oOo

"You were going to turn Jeremy?" She couldn't hold back her half-smile. She just needed him to confirm it.

He shot her an odd and unfamiliar look. "I figured he would turn once you had anyway. I acted recklessly." He smiled sadly. "Both times... and then some." He mumbled and shrugged.

She surprised him by grinning widely and throwing her arms around him. "You're an idiot." She spoke into his chest. Had he not been a vampire he wouldn't have understood a word she'd said. She pulled back from him with tear brimmed eyes. "Did you want me to hate you?"

He turned the question over in his head several times before he answered. "Yes." She wanted an honest answer. She wanted the truth, right?

As her tears spilled from her eyes he realized that _no_ she didn't.

"Why?" She sniffled.

This one he really didn't want to answer. "It was easier that way." He sighed. "Do you really want to have this conversation in the creepily smelling cellar?" They might as well get physically comfortable.

She let out a watery chuckle. "No." She narrowed her eyes at him. "I... don't laugh." She pleaded.

"Are you about to say something funny. If so, you just ruined it." Might as well try to lighten the mood.

She slapped his chest. "Would you speed _us_ up stairs? I was wondering how it felt." She said sheepishly as her cheeks reddened.

"You've never? Sure, hop on." He said with his signature smirk in place. Again she surprised him by wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, with some help, while _facing_ him. He wrapped his arms around her waist. Good God she felt perfect. "Hold on tight. Here we go." And they did.

oOo

**I am captivated, completely spellbound**

**I have found my match**

**and the black bird has flown away**

**the black bird has left me for good**

oOo

They sped around the house in a flurry of her giggles and squeals of delight. "Best. Roller-coaster. _Ever._" She giggled and squeezed him tighter. "Again." She demanded.

He rolled his eyes. "Haven't you had enough?" He hadn't, but he wanted to hear her beg... and to stand there a while longer cupping her rear.

She pouted shooting him her best puppy dog eyes. "Please. Just one more time." When it didn't work she smirked and waggled her eyebrows. "I'll owe you...big time." She wasn't above lewd suggestiveness. He knew she meant nothing by it.

He chuckled darkly. "I'm going to make you regret that promise." If she only knew what she did to him... well, then she'd most likely run away screaming bloody murder. Besides the point. And then they were off again.

A while later they landed on his bed in a fit of giggles. He on his back and she still wrapped securely around him giggling furiously into his chest. "I feel sick." She declared and rolled off him and lay nuzzled into his side. "What else can you do?" She asked as her giggles died down.

"Lots of things." He said while doing that eye thing that melted her insides and pooled them between her thighs.

She rolled her eyes at him. "I mean vampire things."

He smirked as he heard her heart beat increase. "That's for me to..."

She cut him of with a glare. "Don't you dot dot dot me Damon Salvatore." She secretly loved it when he did it to others.

He chuckled at her sternness. "Yes, dear." He wouldn't mind calling her that. "Besides over developed senses, speed, quick recovery, compulsion and dream manipulation I can command crows and manipulate fog. The older I get the more I'm able to do." He really shouldn't be telling her all this.

She sat up abruptly and slapped his chest. "Do the thing with the crows." She said bouncing excitedly as she tried to pry him up and into an upright position.

God he loved having her hands all over him.

"We're inside." He huffed refusing to get up.

"I'll open a window." She jumped of his bed before he could speak and opened a window. "We're in luck. There are a bunch of crows right outside." She was bubbling over with enthusiasm. Stefan never wanted to tell her about any of these things.

"Fine." Damon grumbled. He hadn't done this in a while, although crows tended to follow and flock around him naturally.

In a swarm of black feathers and raspy caws the murder entered his room and swooped around it once and then exited the same way they entered. He still had it.

"Again." She breathed staring at him starry eyed. She walked half way to the bed. "Please." She said breathlessly.

He couldn't deny the beautiful girl pleading with him. He loved her. Why should he? The murder swooped in again and he had them circle her; surround her. He heard her gasp as their wings fluttered carefully over her as she began spinning in slow circles in their midst. He had all but one swoop out. It landed clumsily on his outstretched hand.

"Hold your hand out." He told her and she complied. The crow flew the few yards from his to her hand. She squealed loudly and Damon chuckled. He missed seeing her this happy. He led the last crow out before letting his hold of them go.

She threw herself on his bed. "That was _amazing._" She grinned and poked him in the ribs. "_You're_ amazing."

That he was.

oOo

**oh my God I'm losing it**

**I'm finally going out of it**

**my senses tingle, I can hardly breath**

oOo

This Elena, this was _his_ Elena. The one only he seemed to get glimpses of. The one who'd been in his dream hiding from Stefan while dancing and drinking with him. This Elena that had fun in between the serious talks.

She slung an arm around him and nuzzled into his side. "So, it's easier if I hate you?" She needed his honesty as much as she needed her own back.

He took a deep unneeded breath. "Yes. It's easier to stay away from you if you hate me." It was time to have this talk.

"I get it. It makes sense, but _why_ do you want to stay away from me?" She knew she was pushing and she'd stop before he broke.

He chuckled bitterly. "Because it'll always be Stefan." He wasn't quite sure why his defences weren't going up; why his gut hadn't told him to stop.

She scoffed. "My always and forevers don't really mean much these days. I might have to stop using those words altogether... those and epic." She huffed and rolled her eyes. "I need all these lies to stop. I can barely look at myself anymore." She needed to come clean to him about so many things. She needed someone to know the whole truth. She needed _him_ to know the whole truth.

Feeling her unease Damon slung his arm around Elenas' shoulders and gave her a light squeeze. "What lies?" He wasn't sure he wanted to hear them, but he could clearly see that she needed to revile them.

She groaned. "There are so many by now that I don't even know where to start." She hid her face from him.

He ran his fingers slowly through her short silky tresses. "Start small and then we'll build up to the big ones." He suggested, he needed to ease into this as much as she did.

"I hate having to lie to Jenna about all the small things every day. I want to tell her, but I can't just blurt things out. She'd send me to a mental institution and I'd never be let out... ever." She groaned again. "Even if she did believe me. Most of the secrets aren't mine to tell, yet I have to keep them. Don't you get tired of it?" She finally lifted her head up to look at him.

"It's different for me. My nearest and dearest already know the secrets I want them to know." He shot her a wry smile. "Enough of them anyway."

This Damon, _her_ Damon was so much more then his façades and sarcasm. She loved this Damon. She loved him? Yea. She loved him. This one. _Her _Damon.

oOo

**oh my God I'm losing it**

**I'm finally going out of it**

**I feel my heart, I'm suddenly alive**

oOo

"I'm sorry for all the times I've lied and deceived you. If it's any consolation; most of the time I thought it was for the best." She tightened her grip on him. "I don't know how things ended up so skewed."

He felt her tears pool on his shirt and soak it before he heard her muffled sniffles. "Tell me. I might surprise you." He suggested not knowing what else to say.

"I doubt you don't know what they are. I'm quit transparent when it comes to you." She chuckled sadly. "Even my lies are transparent. You just... you just always see _me_." Even if she wasn't his first choice he still managed to be an exception to her.

"Your not a very good liar Elena." He teased nudging her shoulder causing her to chuckle softly.

She drew a deep breath. "There's a big one. You ready?"

He nodded. He really didn't want to hear this.

"I made a deal with Elijah."She ducked back into the shelter of his arms stupidly hiding there from him.

Oh fucking hell he didn't want to hear this. "What kind of deal?" He spoke through clenched teeth his arm reflexively tightened around her and he stared unblinkingly up at the ceiling.

Her head popped up hesitantly. "He let Stefan out of the tomb and promised to keep us all safe if when the time comes I'd go with him as bait so he can kill Klaus." She spoke slowly. No matter how painful it was going to be she needed him to know all of it.

"Elena!" He towered over her on the bed. "What did I say about sacrificing yourself?" He hissed.

Elena grimaced. "Don't do it?" She really didn't remember exactly what he'd said. She'd been far to angry at the time. She figured that must've been the bottom line.

He leaned his forehead on hers and closed his eyes. "Goddamnit Elena. I can't loose you too."

Elena winced. Rose. How could she have forgotten about his grief so easily? What kind of friend was she? That's why she was the second choice. That and she was a pathological liar.

She reached up and caressed his cheek. "I'm sorry. I didn't really have a choice. Either I made the deal or he would've just taken me and tossed me into some dungeon until he needed me." She cupped his face. "I'd rather spend the rest of my life surrounded by those I love then locked away from them. No matter how short of a time I have."

Oh God he couldn't do this. "I can't do this." He stood up leaving her alone on his bed and staring at him with big brown eyes filled with pain. "I can't do this." He repeated.

"I don't have a choice." She couldn't lose him. She had to do something. Quick. She scrambled of the bed and threw herself into his arms. "Don't make me do this on my own. I need you." She tightened her grip as he tried to gently pry her away from him. "Damon, _please_. I need _you._" She felt his movement freeze and his body become rigid.

She needed him. She needed _him. She __**needed**__ him. _What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"You need me?" He asked hesitantly hoping she would explain.

"I don't think I can do this without you. I don't _want _to do this without you." She looked up at him pleadingly. He had to understand. Why didn't he understand?

She needed someone to save her. Fine. Didn't he always, even when he was sure it would kill him? He was such a sucker. "Why me?" She owed him that if he was giving her his life.

"I..." She faltered. The lie, it was just _too big_. She couldn't.

Damon shook his head and pushed her away with an exasperated sigh.

"Wait." She drew in a deep breath and held it until he turned back towards her. She exhaled. "It's REALLY BIG. Are you ready?" She couldn't stop trembling. It was now or never.

"Spit it out Elena." What the hell had she done now?

She took a couple of shaky steps towards him. "Are you sure you're ready?" Please say no, please say no, please say no...

"Yes."

Damn.

Oh God she couldn't do this. "I love you." She blushed furiously and was half on her way towards hyperventilation.

He watched as her chest heaved and a delicious blush spread across her face and neck. He could hear her heart pumping furiously. He must have heard her wrong. "Come again?"

She couldn't do this. "I can't do this." She panted before skidding across his room in a frenzy and out the door.

"Elena?" _She _couldn't do this?

She quickly realized she had no idea how they'd gotten there. The whole house seemed like a giant maze with no way out. She felt like Alice in fucking Wonderland and she couldn't find the damned rabbit-hole. She ran until her lungs burned and her muscles ached and her knees gave out. She couldn't do this.

He found her outside his mothers suite. She was a mess. She had clearly passed out in a heap of long limbs on the floor. Had he done this?

oOo

**thank you**

**thank you for the world, the world, the world**

**thank you for the life you're making me see**

**inside of me**

oOo

"Elena." He singsonged as he lightly slapped her cheek. You did that right? When people passed out.

She groaned and rolled onto her side.

She shook her lightly. "Elena. Wake up. Common kitten."

Her eyes snapped open and she pushed him away. "Don't call me that." She wanted to slap him. She slapped him. Her hand hurt. Damn.

OK so maybe he broke her... just a little bit. Turns out his subconscious wasn't that stupid after all.

"I..." He stopped not knowing what he'd intended to say in the first place.

Elena was fuming. She was furious. She stumbled awkwardly to her feet. "I may _need _you and _want _you and... _love _you." She swallowed thickly clenching her fists. "BUT I _can_ do this alone if I _have _to." She was nearly shouting by the end of the sentence. She turned and stomped away. She was bound to find her way out of here sometime.

She loved him?

After descending a flight of stairs she simply opened one of the windows and climbed out. She set off in a sprint through the woods. She needed to get away; clear her head. He didn't want her. She could do this alone. She could? Maybe Elijah could just... no she didn't have the right to take this away. Even if he didn't want it.

When she reached the falls she kicked off her flats, shrugged of her shirt and shimmied out of her jeans. Standing in only her silky black panties and bra she dove into the cool water. She needed this.

oOo

**thank you**

**thank you for the world, the world, the world**

**thank you for the life you're making me see**

**inside of me**

oOo

After standing still gawking at nothing like an idiot for what seemed like hours Damon set after her. He found her floating lazily on her back in the water by the falls. She looked like heaven and she loved _him_.

He sat down by the water and watched as she peacefully floated on the waters surface.

"I'm not Katherine." She just had to say it. He had to hear it.

"I know." He smiled sadly at her. This was so screwed up.

"Why do you call me kitten then? If it's not in reference to her?" He should explain or she'd keep slapping him.

"Micina, it's a term of endearment. It's Italian and means little kitten." He shrugged at a loss for a better explanation. "I thought it suited you, so I translated it. I didn't think you'd appreciate the 'little' so I scraped it."

"But you call her Kat." She wanted to cry again or maybe slap him.

"I also call you Lena. I either shorten your name or make up a new one. All your friends have them." He smirked as she scoffed. At least she wasn't crying.

"I shouldn't have told you. I'm sorry. I'm just so very tired." She dipped under the surface only to resurface in front of him. "I'm going home." She stated tiredly as she got out of the water. It wasn't supposed to be this way. None of it was.

He grabbed her wrist as she tried to pass him. "Don't." He pleaded.

"Don't what Damon?" She asked while dripping all over him.

"Don't shut me out." He tugged lightly on her hand.

She laughed bitterly. "Do as you say not as you do. Really? That's what you're going with?" She wanted to hurt him somehow. She didn't want to be the only one hurting. She winced. Damn it. _Rose_. _His _Rose. "Sorry." She pulled her discarded garments on. "I'm sorry. You have enough to deal with."

He raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"I know you don't really show it much more then with your drinking... but you're grieving and I'm no being a particularly good friend." She sighed and sat down next to him.

He shifted uncomfortably next to her. He really didn't want to talk about this.

"Do you want to talk about it?"She tried for her sweetest smile, but only got half way there.

"No." Discussion closed.

She sighed once again. "OK. I get it. She's yours to keep and not mine." She kissed his temple. "I truly am sorry for your loss and I wish I could... help you in some way. The way you did for me." She smiled a smile that finally reached her eyes. "The way you opened my eyes in Georgia. I wish I could do that for you." She gave him a quick hug and stood up to leave.

"Say it again." He pleaded. He must have heard her wrong.

She looked utterly confused. "What?"

He looked up at her smiling sadly. "That thing you said before. Say it again."

A knowing look crossed her features. "I love you, Damon Salvatore. I have for a very long time." She smiled at him and then she left him there with his thoughts.

oOo

**thank you**

**thank you for the world, the world, the world**

**thank you for the life you're making me see**

**inside of me**

oOo

She found him as she was about to get ready for bed clutching Teddy in a death-grip as he slept on top of her covers. He stirred as she entered.

"Hey." She said closing the door. How long had he been there?

He sat up groggily and rubbed his eyes. "Since Georgia." He yawned and stretched.

Elena furrowed her brow. "What?" The memory of her earlier dream flashed in her mind. She quickly shook it off.

"Since Georgia." He repeated as if it were supposed to hold some other deeper meaning. Why wasn't she getting it? Right. "I've loved you since Georgia." He stated firmly.

She leaned back against her door. Was she dreaming again?

"Since Georgia, it's been you. You first, then everyone else." His subconscious had done a fair enough job at it last time.

"Since Georgia?" This couldn't be real.

"Come here." He patted the space next to him and she complied. "I want to show you something." He said reaching around her neck and unclasping her new necklace. She eyed him a bit warily, but sat still waiting; trusting him. He locked eyes with her. "Remember everything about the night after you first met Elijah." He stated as she stared back at him vacantly.

He listened to her gasp and he watched as tears slid down her cheeks and then... she slapped him. "You bastard." She glared at him fiercely. "How could you? How could you take that away from me? Who are you to decide" She hissed at him and rubbed at her soar hand.

"Only temporarily. I always meant to do just this one day." He smiled looking unassured for once in his undead life.

"You're such an ass." She huffed and slapped his shoulder. "What now?" What the hell were they doing anyway?

"I don't know." He admitted reluctantly. Usually he had a plan. "We make up a plan."

Elena let herself fall back on her bed. "Well that was anticlimactic."

oOo

**AN: **Comments and reviews are deeply appreciate. Again I want to especially thank those who did just that last time...


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